"You can't control other people's behavior, but you can control your own. Which means that there is an 'I' in team after all. 

(Especially in France, where they spell it Equipe.)"

--Jerry Useem

Life is funny sometimes

It turns out that my supply chain teacher is my second cousin.

What are the odds?

(I guess at BYU the odds actually aren't too astronomical....)

Fear is a journey

"Sorrow is better than fear. . .

Fear is a journey, a terrible journey, but sorrow is at least an arriving. . . When the storm threatens, a man is afraid for his house . . . But when the house is destroyed, there is something to do.

About a storm he can do nothing, but he can rebuild a house."

--Father Vincent, "Cry, the Beloved Country"

On Messing Up

I had an interview this morning with an organization that I would like to intern with this fall in D.C. Let’s just say it was not my best interview. I still can’t believe the words that came out of my mouth. My answers were not representative of my intelligence or value as an employee; instead, my words were a function of having a phone interview at 7:30 a.m. the week before finals. I am amazed at how terribly it went.

Do you ever have one of those mornings/days/weeks/eons when you just can’t do anything right?

In addition to the botched interview, these past few weeks have been saturated with little, embarrassing screw-ups—nothing earth shattering, but stupid little things that are maddening nonetheless.

• A few weeks ago I was in front of a lot of people and did the wrong choreography. I was a only beat off, but it was an important, noticeable beat. I couldn’t stop kicking myself for how stupid I looked.
  

• In a recent group presentation, I forgot to copy the sound files from the jump drive to the monitor, making the audio parts of our presentation unintentionally silent.

• I had a cooking failure last week. Little, I know, but it seemed like a big failure at the time.

• I failed to call the girls I am responsible for in my calling before the month was over (I am a visiting teaching supervisor).

• I failed to turn in an assignment for one of my classes. I simply forgot.

• And many other failures at school, at work, and in my personal life.

If we go back weeks, months, and years my list of failures would multiply like swine flu at daycare, but no matter. I am more than the sum of my successes. Most failures don’t matter. As long as I don’t fail my integrity, my family, or my God, ultimately my failures are nothing more than inconveniences that bruise my pride. And it’s good for my pride to be bruised every so often.

And, even though I don’t like failing, once I have, I have. I can do my best to fix my mess up, but sometimes I can’t. All I can do is take the opportunity to not fail tomorrow. One of the great things about the Gospel the guarantee that we can change and improve. President Monson said that, "our task is to become our best selves. One of God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final."

If you can’t tell, I tend to be hard on myself. I relive mistakes and go through all of the counterfactuals that would have changed the past. But I have learned that dwelling on the past is counterproductive. As my superman keychain wisely says, I will “Go forward.” And more than that, I plan to go forward with faith despite my (seemingly) ubiquitous mess-ups.

Life should be lived fully, with passion for opportunities unseen and no fear of devotion because of the risk of failure. Because failure just happens.

Plus, even though failures don’t give me success, they do give me experience. And as Viktor Frankl said in A Man’s Search for Meaning, “experience is as valuable as achievement.”

Thank goodness for that.

One of my greatest joys

I'm slightly embarrassed to admit this, but one of the things that makes me smile every day is the little squeezey plastic thing on the end of my toothpaste. It's just one thing that makes the universe a little bit less chaotic.

Click here if you've never seen one.

Magical ManEc

I am currently sitting in my managerial economics class. And while I greatly enjoy economics ( I really do, don't judge me), this class is deadly.

I have tried many things to stay alert (or at least awake) in this class. I stock up on dime candy, get up to go get a drink every ten minutes, read the news, and write papers for other classes. Nothing has worked. I inevitably always face the tremendous downward pressure on my head and eyelids. Until I found the magical solution. 

The BYU newspaper, The Daily Universe, puts three Sudoku puzzles (of varying difficulty) and the Nytimes crossword in the paper every day. It just happens that I can finish all of the Sudokus and put a good effort in on the crossword in about an hour and a half--conveniently the time it takes to endure one session of ManEc. Now, instead of paying full attention to lecture material (that we already covered in Econ 110, by the way), I am thinking about to what word "Hunky-Dory" and "Dixie bread" are referring. I'm passive enough that I can still see the slides and pay attention when it's important, but my mind is engaged enough that my eyes aren't glazed over and I'm not thinking of all the ways I can get out of the Tanner building without touching the imaginary "lava." 

My technique might not work for everyone; I would only recommend cross-word therapy for those who are dominantly visual. If your eyes are important for your learning, stick with the dime candy method. But for those of you who must keep your eyes mindlessly busy to stay engaged, cross-words are priceless. And for me, newspaper puzzles have revitalized my summer schedule. I'm no longer begging my friends to play twenty questions with me over text messages in order to prevent self-destructive thoughts. 

When I graduate, it will be partly due to my dependence on cross-words....bless you, Will Shortz!

Confession: The West Wing

I am addicted to The West Wing. It's outdated, it's fictional, and it's glorious. I even found a website that allows me to watch them online (with the added benefit of Mandarin subtitles).

Do I want to watch super heroes save the world in an exciting (and predictable) manner? No. Do I want to watch canned sitcoms with laugh tracks and lame jokes? Again, I say nay.

I want to watch C.J. and Sam argue about the ins and outs of a labor dispute and the fact that the biggest news story of the day is that President Bartlett doesn't like green beans.

What could be more entertaining?