On Messing Up

I had an interview this morning with an organization that I would like to intern with this fall in D.C. Let’s just say it was not my best interview. I still can’t believe the words that came out of my mouth. My answers were not representative of my intelligence or value as an employee; instead, my words were a function of having a phone interview at 7:30 a.m. the week before finals. I am amazed at how terribly it went.

Do you ever have one of those mornings/days/weeks/eons when you just can’t do anything right?

In addition to the botched interview, these past few weeks have been saturated with little, embarrassing screw-ups—nothing earth shattering, but stupid little things that are maddening nonetheless.

• A few weeks ago I was in front of a lot of people and did the wrong choreography. I was a only beat off, but it was an important, noticeable beat. I couldn’t stop kicking myself for how stupid I looked.
  

• In a recent group presentation, I forgot to copy the sound files from the jump drive to the monitor, making the audio parts of our presentation unintentionally silent.

• I had a cooking failure last week. Little, I know, but it seemed like a big failure at the time.

• I failed to call the girls I am responsible for in my calling before the month was over (I am a visiting teaching supervisor).

• I failed to turn in an assignment for one of my classes. I simply forgot.

• And many other failures at school, at work, and in my personal life.

If we go back weeks, months, and years my list of failures would multiply like swine flu at daycare, but no matter. I am more than the sum of my successes. Most failures don’t matter. As long as I don’t fail my integrity, my family, or my God, ultimately my failures are nothing more than inconveniences that bruise my pride. And it’s good for my pride to be bruised every so often.

And, even though I don’t like failing, once I have, I have. I can do my best to fix my mess up, but sometimes I can’t. All I can do is take the opportunity to not fail tomorrow. One of the great things about the Gospel the guarantee that we can change and improve. President Monson said that, "our task is to become our best selves. One of God's greatest gifts to us is the joy of trying again, for no failure ever need be final."

If you can’t tell, I tend to be hard on myself. I relive mistakes and go through all of the counterfactuals that would have changed the past. But I have learned that dwelling on the past is counterproductive. As my superman keychain wisely says, I will “Go forward.” And more than that, I plan to go forward with faith despite my (seemingly) ubiquitous mess-ups.

Life should be lived fully, with passion for opportunities unseen and no fear of devotion because of the risk of failure. Because failure just happens.

Plus, even though failures don’t give me success, they do give me experience. And as Viktor Frankl said in A Man’s Search for Meaning, “experience is as valuable as achievement.”

Thank goodness for that.