My cell phone is a horcrux.

I just spent hours looking for my phone charger, which I threw into one of many boxes heading toward my parents house on Friday. I tore apart boxes of cookware, clothing, plugs of all sorts and size, lotions, and shoes--lots of shoes--to no avail. Why does such a little piece of plastic control so much of my life? Sitting amidst the strewn tupperware and laundry I pondered that question. Finally, I think I've got it.

My cell phone (and by extension, my cell phone charger) is a horcrux.

I've always wanted to live in Harry's world, and now I have unassumingly adopted a small part of it. (For those non-conformers who refuse to read Harry Potter, a horcrux is an object that contains a portion of a wizard/witches soul. It takes exceptionally dark magic to sever your soul an capture it in a horcrux, but it also conveniently makes you essentially immortal.) After examining the rest of my life, I have identified several other candidates for horcruxy (?). Ahem: my MacBook, my iPod, my expensive floss, my old pink slippers, my chapstick, my lotion, my copy of "Peace Like a River," my memory of "(500) Days of Summer," and the soundtrack to "The Last Five Years."

While some of those items may be intangible, they are all items that without which, I would cease to exist.

So, before you point out that horcruxes are, in fact, evil, just remember that while my soul might have been split to the point that the essence of my humanity is in question--

I am nearly invincible.