I love being engaged

Everyone says that being engaged is the pits, which I can understand, I guess. You are stuck between two phases of your life--a terrible limbo in which you fall more in love with a person everyday and would LOVE to be married to them, but aren't. Yet. You have a million decisions to make, some of which involve quite a bit of money. You are trying to negotiate making several parties happy about all of the said decisions, and you are doing this all whilst trying to maintain and build relationships with your fiance and family and friends.

But, all of the drawbacks aside, I absolutely LOVE being engaged. (Wow. I accidentally typed 'married' instead of 'engaged' just then. Freudian? . . . ) I am positively thrilled when I introduce Cute Boy as my fiance. I love telling everyone I know how important he is to me and how excited I am to build a life together. I love making wedding decisions and I love deciding when something for the wedding simply isn't worth worrying about.

And I love being somebody's future wife. Especially because it's Cute Boy. I love him and I'm just ecstatic that in a little under 8 weeks he will be my husband. Is there anything better?

(P.S. I will answer my own question here. Yes, there is something better. Being married! ;-)

wedding, wedding, wedding

I'm getting married, did you hear?!

I have the sparkly proof on my finger.

The day is February 19, 2011. What a great day.

In the meantime, there's lots still to do! I don't know how girls plan weddings while they are working or in school. For example, today I got a bracelet and some little thingys to go in my hair. Still need to find shoes to wear (looking for 1-2" beige or tan heels, any ideas?). Still need to figure out the make-up situation... (Dan? Sephora? You and me?) Still need to gather addresses and figure out how we are doing invitations (this is a priority). Still need to find a photographer, although we have a few good leads. (This is also a priority). Still need to schedule other stuff (like when to take pictures) and when to go apartment shopping. Still need to answer the question, "To have a car, or not to have a car?" A few reception details to plan out . . . etc. etc. (What are we going to eat? Should we have the silly ribbons on the chairs? Would it look silly?) Still need to learn about and order a cake from someone or somewhere.

Man, it's totally do-able, but takes work and prioritization. And keeping your eyes on the things that are most pressing, the soonest. For example, right now, making a decision about announcements and picking a photographer are deadlines that are coming up PRONTO. I have to make sure not to spend too much time looking for shoes (it's SO much fun to look for shoes! . . . but I guess it can wait . . . ) or looking for a get-away dress (again, very fun. But in a pinch, if I run out of time, I can wear some stuff I already own) instead of focusing on the things that really have the longest lead times.

When all is said and done, I will still be married and none of this will matter anymore! And that is the GREAT news!

Finals week, winding down

1. I painted my nails red. They are supposed to be red for Christmas, but they ended up a deep beautiful red. Red like blood. They are so fun! I love looking at them and typing with them and picking things up with them.

2. My finals week is pretty anti-climactic. I only had four finals to begin with, two are already done, and I can probably get another one mostly done during work tonight. My brain graduated weeks ago and I'm in the process of purging the classes for which I have already completed the final.

3. Having a wonderful job in which you get to work on homework is AWESOME . . . until you don't have homework to work on. Then it becomes very boring. Luckily I have a long "to do" list, but I still have to occasionally remind myself not to waste my life mindlessly surfing the Internet.

4. In celebration of a relaxed finals week, I started a new book. "Spoken from the Heart" by Laura Bush. I've mentioned before that I really enjoy biographies and this is no exception. I find her life fascinating. And I also very much enjoy reading the biographies of great women who married great men. Because, I have a suspicion that I will be married to a great man and I want to know what to do.

5. Speaking of said great man, I am patiently (and by patiently, I mean anxiously. And by anxiously, I mean really really anxiously.) waiting for him to, I don't know, make things official by putting a pretty, sparkly thing on my red, blood hands.

Man, my hands would look SO good . . .

Dear life

Dear Life,

I know you enjoy watching me squirm, but would you mind not being so unpredictable?

You know how I love to plan, how I love to have a pretty solid idea of where I will be in six months, and how I love, love, love to spend time developing things that I know will turn out to be a good investment?

Up to this point in my life, I have done a superb job of planning my existence. Don't you think? I planned out my major, I planned out internships, I planned out a study abroad, I balanced this all with jobs and relationships (which I also, sometimes, planned out). I did this to maximize my happiness and minimize the anxiety that comes from rampant uncertainty. And I think I have done a pretty good job so far.

Life, why won't you let me do the same now? Would you please settle down so that I can emotionally invest in a future? I don't want to become too fixated on a single idea, only to have it changed tomorrow.

It's hard for my heart.

Thank you.

Best,

Lynne

T-minus two weeks

I am in the final stretch of my undergraduate college career. This is it. The great tamale. The green mile. The end that I needed to endure to.

My computer is covered with star-shaped post-it notes that have tasks (things to do for school and things to do for work) and lists (grocery list, pre-move out list).

Then, without any pomp and circumstance, I will wake up one--probably snowy--day, eat some breakfast, look out the window, and realize over my unholy bowl of yogurt and granola that I AM a college graduate.

After probably choking on my foodstuffs from the suddenness of the realization, I will proceed to structure the remainder of my life.

What does one even do without school? Hobbies, you say? I'm not quite sure what that word even means, but I hope to discover very soon.

Photo booth: creating much needed diversions from studying since 2008

Computer eyes and study buddy.

Addendum

Addition to post below:

Sitting around the kitchen table using "Jimmer" as every form of speech and trying to disguise our voices so the BYU-Info lady doesn't realize we called her at 11:50 p.m. AND 11:55 p.m.

I have the great privilege of being a friend

I have the great privilege of being a friend.

As I prepare for graduation and reflect on my experience at BYU, I am staggered by the positive influence of hundreds of great people I have met here.

I guess I took some classes, got some grades, and "learned stuff" in college, but my academic experience pales in comparison to the experiences I have had with scores of decent, generous people.

I'm lucky to have many friends, but I am decidedly blessed to have a handful of very very close friends. Jerusalem. Choice apartments with excellent roommates. Washington Seminar. Writing Fellows. OACL. Group projects. Elms Ward. Colony Ward. Banbridge Ward.

I know this post is effusive and overly gushy, but as I look forward to a post-BYU life, I find myself emotionally overwhelmed! I have tremendous examples in my life. And they have changed me.

I'm excited to meet and become friends with many more people in the future, but I pause to remember all of the happy seasons I have seen, so far. And I have enjoyed them so immensely, that I'm hesitant to let them go.

But, then I look around and I realize I already have. Many of my closest friends are on missions right now. Many have moved away. Sometimes I hurt because I miss their uplifting presence in my life. But as I hesitantly leave one period of life, I find myself making deep friendships in the next as well. Steph in high school. Charlie and Allie my freshman year. Rachel, Jenessa, Erin, Holly and Sarah Jane in Jerusalem. Nicole, Jackie, Lindsey, Lana, Rachel, Andrea, Kelly, Abby and Emily in the Elms. Alyse in Writing Fellows. Abby, Rachel, and Kelli in Washington. Audrey, Dani, Rachelle in Banbridge. And I know the pattern will continue.

But I very much enjoy the memories! And they always make me smile. And usually laugh.

I don't even know where to begin. Road trip with Jenessa, Erin, and Holly. Sarah Jane cracking me up, pretty much with every word. Lana pantsing Lindsey. Getting lost in the Old City with Ness and Erin. Jenessa changing into a black shirt so I could cry on her shoulder. Emily spilling the contents of the blender all over the floor. Laughing so hard I cry. Andrea teaching me about testimony and kindness. Nicole teaching me about listening. Jenessa teaching me about caring. Erin, about fearlessness. Charlie reminding me not to take life too seriously. Allie teaching me about fashion. Liz, about reading. Lana, about mangoes. Walking into Abby's room like it was mine. Road trip with Rachel. Getting lost, yelling at the GPS, laughing, running, climbing up a waterfall, trying on wigs with Abby and Rachel. Pretending to be an english major with Alyse. Racquetball with Rachel. Running and running and running with Dani. Conversations about cupcakes turning into existential discussions. Sharing imperfections/insecurities. Nails with Audrey. RDJ with Audrey. Running from the parking lot to 8 a.m. logistics with Rachelle. Rachelle, Audrey, and Dani about laughing at life/laughing through life and that it's okay to be obsessed with HSM3. Talking for hours at the kitchen table. Kelli always encouraging me. Cupcakes and basketball with Kelli. Andrea teaching me about service and working hard. Encouraging notes left on my bed when I needed an encouraging word. Laughing and crying with every single person mentioned above.

Unfailing love.

I have the great privilege of being a friend.

0-13.1 miles in less than a year

Dani and I are now officially half-marathoners!

We dragged ourselves out of bed at 5:30 a.m., rolled to the shuttle bus, napped to aspen grove and then huddled in the heated tent. I forced myself to eat a cliff bar and most of that carbohydrate goo they gave us in our packet. Searching for porta-potties under a starry night sky and trying to nap on asphalt both sent Dani and I reeling back to our Red Rock Relay days...[nostalgic gaze into the distance]...

At 9:00 a.m. we lined up with approximately 2,300 other costume-bedeckt crazy people and started down the canyon. The first few miles were chaos. People everywhere! One girl fell early on and broke her wrist. A few people here and there started walking after about two miles.

I ran with Dani for about 5-6 miles. Neither of us ran with an iPod. It was a beautiful fall day and there were a lot of entertaining people/costumes to look at and think about.

2 hours and five minutes after taking off from the Stewart Falls parking lot, Dani finished. Ten minutes after that I finished. My legs felt really good, my lungs/heart felt really good, but my right ankle really hurt. I didn't sprain it, but it seems like some sort of deep tendon bruise.

At the end, Kit, Rachel, and Dani were waiting and cheering for me! It felt great! Then we went to celebrate at Five Guys. There's nothing like burning 1500 calories and then gaining them back again in one sitting. :-)

yes. YES.

Excerpt from the book on entrepreneurship that I am reading:

"Individuals need life structure. A life lacking in comprehensive structure is an aimless wreck. The absence of structure breeds breakdown. Structure provides the relatively fixed points of reference we need."

This is key. This is why school is so comforting. This is why busy days are better than lazy days. This is why not being in school is so ominous--the structure disappears into nebulous "intentions" to accomplish life goals. Transition is hard because structures change.

I identify with this because I find great comfort in consistent processes and try to implement them in my life wherever possible.

And while structure is something I need, the good news is it is also something that I know how to create. (You should see my google calendar...)

Alvin Toffler, The Third Wave. Quoted in The E-Myth Revisited, by Michael Gerber.

a snippet of my thoughts on a normal day

Oh. my. days.

Cute Boy is so stinkin cute.

It's ridic-a-lous.
He makes me smile. A lot.

That is all.

I want to start a business

I am sitting in my women entrepreneur lecture series class, thinking, "I could do that. I could do this."

Details to come of course.

Sunday blog on faith

One of my favorite things to do on Sunday is write in my journal or write on my blog. A la "Harry Potter," it's very peaceful for me to extract my thoughts and capture them in writing.

We had a wonderful church block today, kicked off with a talk by my former roommate Rachelle on faith--one of my favorite topics! She said a lot of very insightful things, but her comparison of her experience learning new, scary moves as a young gymnast to taking leaps of faith in our lives really stuck with me.

She described preparing to do a back handspring on the balance beam and being absolutely terrified. It was difficult for her to even comprehend literally throwing herself backwards into the unknown, not knowing if her hands would find the beam, worried about being off balance; wondering if her hands would buckle and not support her. It was quite literally a leap of faith. And it was terrifying.

But she related another gymnastic experience that taught her something else. She was learning a new flip on the floor. As soon as she bounced off the floor she knew something was wrong--her rotation speed made it impossible for her feet to find the floor before her head did. She was headed for certain disaster.

Then, before she knew it, she had stopped moving. Her feet were still up and her head was close to the floor, but she wasn't flying through the air anymore. Her coach, who was spotting her while she learned something new, recognized that she wasn't going to make it and caught her midair before she could get hurt.

Heavenly Father is our coach. Rachelle understood intellectually the gymnastic moves she was trying to learn, but she couldn't fully understand until she experienced them. And she couldn't learn what she needed to until she decided to take a literal leap of faith. Then, before she could fall, her coach caught her and helped her so she could try again.

She shared a myriad of other helpful ideas: faith is a decision; the direction you are going is more important than the size of your leap of faith; life is the sum of many, many leaps.

Then in Sunday School, Dallin used the book of Isaiah to teach us about what Christ has done for us, what He is now doing for us, and what He has promised in the future. It was wonderful to review all that is in store for us as God's children. Dallin ended with a very appropriate, very cute video clip about being actively patient while waiting for God's promises to be fulfilled.

Rachel rounded out the meeting block with a great lesson on the Restoration. We learned about dates and times, but one of her points was that we avoid distancing ourselves from the Spirit (personal apostacy) by continually experiencing personal restoration.

It was a wonderful three hours that renewed my resolve to have more faith, have more patience, and to continually restore and renew my personal spirituality.

Dear women who sit on the couches in the restroom and eat lunch,

Do you really find it appetizing to sit in a small room whilst tons of people traipse past you to use the facilities?

If you're trying to find a quiet place to eat, I suggest . . . anywhere else.

If you're trying to get away from people, maybe you should just eat in the corner.

If you're lonely, let me know. We'll sit down and chat. OUTside the restroom.

If you're trying to gross me out and make me self-conscious, you're doing a great job.

Sincerely,

Lynne

Fall is for football

[contented sigh]

I love this.

General Conference is like the Superbowl for Mormons

1. We anticipate it for days, weeks, months

2. We try to find a really big TV to watch it on, and turn it up really loud

3. It takes over our weekend and even after experiencing it want to relive it over and over

4. We invite all our friends over to enjoy it together

5. Some people get a little too emotional

6. We prepare by assembling treats and other delicious concoctions

7. We consider it a great experience, embroiled in tradition and emotion

and, last but not least . . .

7. Everyone's facebook statuses reflect something about it for three days before and three days after

Stay-at-home moms

(How can you resist these cute little girls? Speaking of little girls . . . can't wait for Alice's arrival this week!)

I recently read my friend's blog on this topic (it's about halfway down the page), and he said something that was really interested to me:

"If I expect my wife to stay at home all day with the kids, would I be willing to do the same? If not, how could I expect that of her?

"And why couldn’t I stay at home with the kids? Isn’t raising a family the most important part of this life? Isn’t fatherhood a divine calling? Well, honestly, I just wouldn’t feel fulfilled! Being at home ALL DAY - I have never imagined myself in that position. I have built up this expectation of myself as a working man; staying at home all day just seems crazy! I need the intellectual stimulus that comes from working or studying (or at least my culture has programmed me to think that I do)."

First, thank you Jeff for recognizing that it might not be easy for a smart, independent, social individual to make such a huge lifestyle change overnight. That being said, I think Swindle hit one of my greatest fears on the head: I'm terrified that staying at home all day will make me crazy. No social interaction with anyone above the age of three (except for husband) for days in a row? Just thinking about that makes me batty. What if I don't get dressed until noon everyday? What if I constantly have the television on in the background because I need the companionship it provides? What if I get so comfortable in my hermit, safe from the critical judgments of the world that I'm a wall-flower when I finally emerge? What if I grow my nails out really long, use tissue boxes for shoes and collect my own urine?!?! (Okay, okay . . . implying that I'll become Howard Hughes might be a step too far . . . )

But then again, working full-time while trying to be a mom and keep a household together sounds worse. I can't imagine missing such a large part of my children's development and learning process. I want them to know, as I knew in my youth, that their mom puts them first no matter what. Their mom will be there to drive them to soccer practice, make them a snack, be a shoulder to cry on, launder their dirty clothes etc. etc. A life of a mother working full-time seems very frenetic. The image in my mind's eye is a woman who is barely holding it together. Just trying to get from day to day; reigning the chaos in as best as possible.

So what's the solution? Transition from being in an environment of intellectual stimulation and social support to isolation and boredom? Yuck. Hopefully not. There must be a balance. And because of my natural aversions to being alone, I think one my greatest challenges will be to actively seek and adjust this balance in my life.

Some ideas that I can experiment with:

-Make my home a refuge. As nerdy as it sounds, one of the things I am most excited about is organizing the cleaning closet in my future home. I've waited my whole life to have a space that I can create and maintain my own "systems" in.

-Cultivate adult friendships (just having kids doesn't mean you don't get to be an adult). One of the greatest characteristics of cute boy is his friendliness and affability. I know that we'll always have a lot of friends.

-Serve in the community. I think I am going to have a lot of latent energy that I will need to direct toward productive channels. City council meetings. School board. Ward callings. ANYTHING that I can sign up for, I think I will.

-Pursue part-time opportunities. My mom taught one night a week. It was perfect. There's got to be something I can teach the world. Or, maybe I could start my own business from home. If the right business opportunity comes up, I fully expect myself to jump on it.

-Learn, learn, learn. And learn some more. My mom set the good example of listening to book tapes when doing things around the house. While I will probably need some Rihanna or Lee DeWyze to get me in the groove occasionally, I think this is a good habit. Even though I'm not actively in the workforce full-time, I can still read business books, biographies, fiction--whatever I want. When we put in a garden, I can use the research and synthesis skills that I have developed in college to put in the best darn garden you've ever seen.

Mostly I worry that I will be "the time-traveler's wife" and spend the majority of my life waiting for my husband to come home. But ultimately, I think I'm going to be okay. I'll find a rhythm and I'm sure the seasons of my life will come and go more quickly than I am ready.

The search

I'm sitting in my bed. I can see my USB-pen from one of the big-four accounting firms poking out of the pocket of a backpack from a large supply-chain-related company. The superglue and post-its I received from the competitor of the first supply-chain-related company are across the room.

I'm drowning in free loot from recruiters. But in my head, I'm desperately trying to figure out a way to sabotage my performance in my last required classes so I don't have to graduate in December. That way I could stop this job hunting madness.

I think they must have to bribe us to apply for jobs because it's such a stinky process. It takes a lot of effort and time, and most of the work/applications you complete won't mean anything when it's all over. You spend a lot of time researching companies and positions, but it's very difficult to actually get a feel for what you're signing up for when you take a salaried position. . . you can easily gauge if you like the recruiter or not, but what does that have to do with anything?

Interviews are like first dates. Both parties have showed at least nominal interest and passed baseline compatibility requirements. Then, you try to impress each other--sometimes by showing more interest than actually exists. Both parties posture endlessly because they want to "hook" the other one, so they can possess the higher ground in the relationship.

The goal of the first date (I mean, interview) is to lead to a second date. And the goal of a second date is to lead to a fly-back (meeting the family) or an offer (this term applies in dating too). This continues until either party decides they're not interested anymore. When that happens, either by direct notification or by tacit silence, one party might feel hurt, misled even. But they have to understand that accepting a job that isn't a good fit won't benefit anyone involved.

Unlike dating, at least interviews go through this emotional rollercoaster within a time period of a few weeks--if you're going to rip off a band-aid, do it quick. If you're going to "make an offer" just do it so both of you can move on.

One last thought: not only is job hunting a pain, it's a time-intensive pain. It takes me away from school, from cute boy, from work and from many other activities that are worth my time. The crazy thing is, when considering the amount of happiness/effect on my life that these various activities have, the priorities are clear. Said cute boy is without a doubt the most important, because he will have the greatest impact on my life and my happiness in the future. Job hunting comes next. School and work come last. (Who's going to remember bombing one measly midterm during my last semester?) However, those priorities are not always accurately represented in the way I spend my time.

Sigh. I think I'll go relax by estimating the cost-benefit analysis using my external ten-key so thoughtfully donated by the accounting firm mentioned above.

mlia

Again. A gem from the Great Gmail Inbox Purge of 2010.

Compliments of my life is average (mlia).com

"Today my boyfriend asked me what I was thinking about. I told him I was thinking about health care plans.

But I was really thinking about what it would be like to be an octopus...

It would be AWEsome."

I think this was written by my alternate personality somewhere out there. Because, I may or may not have actually thought about what it would be like to be an octopus... [cut to image of Lynne making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while reading a book, while drinking a soda, while stirring pasta on the stove, WHILE braiding her hair. Awesome indeed!]

blog, blog, bloggity blog

I was cleaning out my inbox at work today and found a quote my mom sent me a few months ago:

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."

amen.

So it's been awhile

For some reason, all of my introspection this summer went into my journal. Sorry, blog! I promise that you will not be my neglected ugly step-sister for long! I will reach down into the recesses of my soul and try to regurgitate something worthwhile to self-publish for no one (and everyone) to read.

Let's catch up:

-My last semester of my undergraduate college education begins on Monday. I'm mostly excited, but a little overwhelmed at the prospect of trying to structure a life around something beyond school.

-My new favorite thing is "30 Rock"

-I recently bought some cowboy boots. I haven't worn them yet, but I have a feeling they are a good development in my life.

-I saw my high school band teacher last night. He reminded me of my potential to be a "whiz kid." And of my perfect form on the piano.

-I spent 10 weeks working for the largest retail corporation in the world. I learned that I mostly like retailing, that people steal lots of stuff, and that I can make friends with most anybody.

-I moved into a new apartment and, four years later, I am living with freshmen again. It's the circle of life.

-I finally quit one of my jobs. They are short-staffed and I was this close to being guilted into working part-time for them after they asked me three times, but I stuck to my guns. Finding a job/recruiting is going to be my second job this semester.

-As a reward to myself, I am enrolled in beginning racquetball and beginning swimming. All corporate finance and no racquetball makes Lynne, something something.

-Oh, and I recently bought a wig at a little shop in Chinatown in L.A. You know, for Halloween, and skits and stuff. Every girl needs a good wig. And purple shoes.

-Cute Boy came back from a little sojourn to back east. I'm not quite sure words can express how happy I am about this fact.

-Lastly, my valiant car finally went to car heaven. I am about to take off to test drive new cars! (By "new" I really mean "new old" cars.)

Tell me about your life. Really. I want to know.

My new book is the biography of Ezra Taft Benson, the 13th President of the Church. I LOVE it.

I have said that I love biographies before, but I always wonder if one day I will become bored with reading about what someone's childhood was like or how they decided to marry the person they did.

But it's confirmed. I love reading about people's lives. It absolutely fascinates me. I love reading about their family life, their "coming of age", their friends, the process in which they made important decisions, and about the turning points in their lives.

Maybe I enjoy reading about lives because my life is mostly still ahead of me and I have no idea what is in store. What would my biography be like? How will I make those critical decisions? Looking back, what will be the turning points in my life? How am I making the most of every opportunity?

Whatever it is, I am hooked. And it feels so good. My next biography is going to be of Sandra Day O'Connor.

Has anyone else read any good ones? (except for Pres. Hinckley, John Adams, and Queen Noor)

One of the many reasons why I love "Gilead"

pg 9

"I saw a bubble float past my window, fat and wobbly and ripening toward that dragonfly blue they turn just before they burst.

"So I looked down at the yard and there you were, you and your mother, blowing bubbles at the cat, such a barrage of them that the poor beast was beside herself at the glut of opportunity. She was actually leaping in the air, our insouciant Soapy!

"Some of the bubbles drifted up through the branches, even above the trees. You two were too intent on the cat to see the celestial consequences of your worldly endeavors. They were very lovely.

"Your mother is wearing her blue dress and you are wearing your red shirt and you were kneeling on the ground together with Soapy between and that effulgence of bubbles rising, and so much laughter.

Ah, this life, this world."

I am a serial blogger

For reals.

http://diaries-of-a-non-runner.blogspot.com/

I love Women's Conference

There is nothing like walking into the Wilk only to be overcome by a Cougareat teeming with middle-aged mormon moms.

It's a heart-warming sight. Where else can you find hordes of name-tag wearing ladies armed with subway sandwiches, ice cream, and halfway-crocheted periwinkle booties?

Every spring, approximately 15,000 women flock to Provo for a weekend of friends, service projects, and "sharpening the saw" (as Stephen Covey would call it). Groups of women wander around campus trying to find the "swicket" or the conference center. It's cute that they are so clueless.

Sometimes they gaggle around a headstrong leader and follow her, oblivious to where they are headed, like a flock of newly hatched chicks. (Speaking of newly hatched chicks, everyone should stop by the duck pond in the next few weeks--DOZENS of little puff balls are cheeping and following around their mom. It's adorable.)

Basically, Women's Conference is EFY for moms. But, as a veteran of many spring/summer semesters, I can testify that it's much more enjoyable to have thousands of wide-eyed mormon moms than hormonally crazed teenagers palling around campus. Plus, EFY histrionics just don't make me smile like a huddle of Relief Society sisters examining the hem on a pioneer-style bonnet in the bookstore.

Ice cream in hand, of course.

My new book

I am starting a new book today based on several recommendations from avid readers.

I have heard from some that it is a little slow, but a bestselling, Pulitzer Prize winner can't be that bad, eh?

Sometimes heroism is nothing more than patience, curiosity, and a refusal to panic

I finished Leif Enger's most recent book, "So Brave, Young, and Handsome" in just under 72 hours.

It took me a little longer to get into than "Peace Like a River," but it was well worth it once I was sucked in.

Something about this man's words just get me. I feel so much when I read his books. It's like he takes my thoughts and weaves them into a story about bandits and outlaws, hunting, or just plain youth.

To illustrate my point, here is the "Acknowledgments" from SBYH. Mind you, this is normally the dullest part of an entire novel. But again, Leif Enger wrote it in a way that touched me. His words are so precise and gentle. It's as simple as that.

I think you'll understand why.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

"I am surrounded by friends, kept safe by generous people. So it has been for as long as I can remember. Maybe being the youngest of four acclimated me early to a pattern of kindness; whatever the reasons, a surprising number of people have given me the benefit of the doubt.

"Therefore let me thank E., who saw instantly to the soul of this story, and whose questions, confidence, and wit helped me do the same; and M., who welcomed an outlaw tale and saved a spot for me in the lineup. Thanks also to P. and M., whose counsel is reliably clear-eyed and practical.

"Mom and Dad used to put me to bed accompanied by an album called Songs of the West, a loving thing to do. There is no sweeter sorrow that "The Cowboy's Lament." Moreover, Dad's friend Hood Roberts allowed me to borrow his name; I wish he was here to judge the result.

"T. and J. spent hundreds of hours in my writing loft, talking, listening, making me laugh--without their vigorous distraction, I might never have finished.

"Finally, thanks to Robin, for hearing my pages with persistent grace. Sometimes heroism is nothing more than patience, curiosity, and a refusal to panic."

Confessions

(1) One of my favorite things to do is floss. Seriously.

(2) Studying, sch-mudying. Have you SEEN what it looks like outside?

(3) A perennially favorite snack of mine is bread with melted cheese on it. (The type of cheese varies.)

(4) I cry very easily in movies. But I try very hard not to show it. And then I get a headache.

(5) I really like loading the dishwasher.

Epiphany!! (courtesy of Robert Frost)

Yesterday I had a most triumphant run in southern Provo.

After hearing Kit talk about the Splash and Dash next week (and try to convince anyone who crossed his path to sign up with him), I got super antsy sitting in Econ.

So, in a rash (and slightly irresponsible) move, I went home after my Econ class. I had two hours before I had to be back on campus for biology, a work meeting, and work.

I quickly changed. Put on my tennis shoes, borrowed a Nike ear cover-er (thanks Dani!) and was about to grab my iPod as I bounded out the door. Instead, I ripped two pieces of paper out of one of my notebooks, folded them up and stuck them in my pocket.

Rather than blasting my brain with Chris Brown, Jason Derulo, and Miley Cyrus, I ran alone, in the quiet. To occupy my mind, I began reciting poems. Poems are perfect because they have a rhythm, they are easy to remember, and often have multiple levels of meaning. I started with "The Road Less Traveled" by Robert Frost and "Jesus Christ, the Apple Tree" by Elizabeth Poston (?)

Halfway through my run, it started to hail. Didn't phase me.
I had several successful "spitting incidents" and one unsuccessful one. Girls just don't know how to spit. Didn't phase me.
I went about 2.4 miles (which I know exactly because of mapmyrun.com). Didn't phase me.
I was tired-ish, but I could have kept going.

Giving my brain something productive and uplifting to focus on (scriptures, poems) is probably the best thing that happened to my running career. How did I not see this? Not only do I feel good physically after I've run, but I think about things that I enjoy thinking about.

I mean, there is a place for Miley, Chris, and Rihanna, but not always. If I'm not careful, I'll blast out my own thoughts.

By the time I run the Red Rock Relay, I should have a whole repertoire of memorized verses and scriptures.

I dare you to test me.

Homage to Sarah Jane

My friend SJ posted a quote on her blog a few months ago and I've been thinking about it ever since. Here it is, reposted:

"Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart.
Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers.
They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything.

At present you need to live the question.

Perhaps you will gradually,
without even noticing it,
find yourself experiencing the answer,
some distant day."

-Rilke

Fun with Photobooth

This is what I would look like if my face were exactly symmetrical.

Perfectly even eyebrows!

Matching freckles...strange looking hair...all in all, pretty cool.

P.S. This is also what I look like when I'm bored.
But you probably already guessed that much.

What must be a world record

My apprehensive face. Charlie mocks my pain. ;)

Thanks to my two jobs I will be on campus today for 17 hours.

Seriously.

I had a 7:00 a.m. meeting and I work until midnight in the library.

There are twelve hours between those two appointments, you say. You can't possibly have class during all of that time.

Oh, but my schedule is just spread out enough that going home wouldn't really make sense either. (i.e. class from 9:30-11:00, devotional, class from 1:30-3:00, class from 5:00-6:15.)

Oh well. In a few years/months I won't be a college student anymore. I gotta to soak it in while I can I guess...

Plus, who needs sleep? I have dried mangoes, a bunch of vitamin C, a nalgene waterbottle, and mika on my itunes. (Don't worry mom, I buy dinner before I clock in...) Not to mention all of the friends I have on campus.

Staying late is never too bad when there are so many smiling faces.

Overheard at BYU

[walking in the library]

"but the whole class got a lot better when I stopped thinking about him as a rational human being..."

Things that never fail to put me in a better mood

1. Reading the scriptures. I haven't always gotten so much out of my personal study, but especially since I came to college, there is rarely a melancholy mood that isn't smashed by putting in my earplugs, grabbing a pen, and really reading the Book of Mormon.

2. Listening to music. Music has been inextricably tied to my emotions ever since I can remember. There are a few songs that literally never fail to lift my spirits. It's classical conditioning. I am a rat and Jay Sean or Mika or Sara Bareilles or Colors or Owl City is the bell. (I guess that makes my mood like my saliva.)

3. Exercising. I love how alive I feel after I have jogged around the block or put my healthy, young body to use somehow. There is something inherently rewarding about physical work.

4. Friends and family. I am blessed to have literally hundreds of friends on campus and family only a phone call away.

5. Cuddling. Hm. Not much to say about this one. But since we're sharing, I thought I'd be honest.

My five minutes of fame

Did you know February was black history month? I'll be honest, I didn't know that until last December (2008) when my roommate Andrea told me she'd give me a jamba juice certificate if she could photograph me for her job (she worked at multi-cultural services).

A few weeks later, I was walking through the Wilk, eyeing the waffle cones at Sugar and Spice (as I normally do) and I suddenly come face to face with myself.

An almost life-size version of myself entreating those passers-by to become involved in black history month.

For a month, the most common comment I got about it was, " . . . but . . . [confused look] . . . you're white . . ."

Really?! Shoot, I hadn't noticed . . .

Celebrity Collage by MyHeritage

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Vintage pictures - Family research

Attempt to improve the world, part 1

Dear Steve,

I'm worried that you've lost your touch.
"iPad"?
Seriously?

Please rethink the name of your newest "fad" product. Here are some suggestions to help you out:

iTab
iTap
iFad
iTad
iThink
iNeed
iNew
iName

Sincerely,
A concerned Apple fan

Scholarship application question #2

"Please describe your educational, professional, and other goals."

Easy: change the world.

...too much?

I think not.

That white stuff

Sing it with me now:

Snow!-----Snow!----Snow!----Snow!

Okay, you're no Bing Crosby or Rosemary Clooney, but I appreciate the effort.

This morning, after getting four hours of sleep (and accidentally waking up and partially getting ready before I realized it was 4:00 a.m.) I stepped outside my apartment to a serene, gentle, quiet blanket of snow. (At 6:45 a.m., even without snow, Provo is pretty calm.)

I brushed off my car and was almost in disbelief at how beautiful the snow was. It was perfectly powdery. Like brushing off glitter from my windshield.

What I would've given to not be in school today...

I love my job(s)

I love working. I love helping people. I love talking to people at work. I love finding creative solutions to problems that I've never encountered before. I love discovering things about computers that I never knew, but which are, nevertheless, indisputably awesome. I love being busy. I love teaching new skills. I love discussing writing and argumentation.

Have I mentioned that I love helping people?

Comfort their souls in Christ. Grant unto them that they may have strength.

Many of my close friends/former roommates are currently serving missions for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In my personal scripture study I have been reading in the book of Alma. Much of Alma details the missionary efforts of Alma, Ammon, Amulek, Zeezrom and others. The other night I read Alma's prayer for his brethren and felt a similar feeling of love for my sisters scattered across the world.

Alma 31: 32-33

"O Lord, wilt thou comfort my soul, and give unto me success, and also my fellow laborers who are with me--yea, Ammon, and Aaron, and Omner, and also Amulek and Zeezrom [and Sister Meyers and Sister Simmons and Sister Kinghorn and Sister LaSeuer and Sister Bangerter and Sister Roerig and many other sisters], ... yea, even all these wilt thou comfort, O Lord. Yea, wilt thou comfort their souls in Christ. Wilt thou grant unto them that they may have strength, that they may bear their afflictions which shall come upon them..."

The second/first day of school

(Since I only went to half of my classes yesterday, we'll count today (truly the second day of school) as an extended version of the first.

Some thoughts:

-Ice is slippery and has a strange ability to form under my feet at the most inopportune times.
-When I am in school, I go into efficiency mode. I receive tasks and I accomplish those tasks...which is why I sometimes have to remind myself that people are not tasks.
-I love working. I get to work with fun people and help new people in my job. It's the besht.
-I love love getting paid to work.
-I have had easy mac for three out of the last five meals. (Don't worry mom, I braved the crowds and went to Smith's last night, at my own peril. I had to park at RC Willey and I almost died of shopping-cart-congestion, but I have real food now.)
-I run into someone I know about every ten minutes. I am not exaggerating. (I saw someone I knew and had a brief conversation whilst writing this blog. Ironic? Yes. Out of the ordinary? Not in the least.] It makes me feel very at home. And very "seasoned."
-I have been in Provo for two days and my car is already stuck in the ice on the side of the road. Might have to wait until spring before I'm mobile again...
-Since I am now the ripe-old age of 21, every day is like a high school/freshman year reunion. It's weird.
-Work and school both take time, but with school, the more efficient you are, the more time you have to yourself. I am a strong proponent of personal responsibility and free market incentives.
-I am an efficiency geek. I like planning and improving systems. My household will be a well-oiled machine...until I realize that children are pretty much by definition, not efficient...
-I plan my breaks between classes hours before they happen, taking into account walking time, weather, available microwaves, bathrooms, and seating availability before actually going anywhere.
-When my econ teacher started reviewing calculus on the whiteboard, I felt a wave of relief. It's very scary that calculus calms me.

My thoughts are multiplying too quickly! It's hard to shut the monster down...this is what happens when you leave me on my own to reflect....

-One last thought: The "tasks" application in my gmail account has been dormant for the past four months. It has been lovely. Now that I am back balancing school, work, church and personal responsibilities, my brain begins to fall out if I don't write down things as I think of them. Hence, the epic resurrection of "tasks." And now the "tasks" application is one of my favorite things. And quite possibly a horcrux.